Join our mailing list!
Houston's premier web resource for moms!
Jokes & Fun
You Want Children?
Are You Ready for Children?
Mess Test: Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Now rub your
hands in the wet flowerbed and rub on the walls. Cover the stains with
crayons. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all
summer.
Toy Test: Obtain a 55-gallon box of Lego's. (If Lego's are not available,
you may substitute roofing tacks or broken bottles.) Have a friend spread
them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom
or kitchen. Do not scream. (This could wake a child at night.)
Grocery Store Test: Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best)
and take them with you as you shop at the grocery store. Always keep
them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.
Dressing Test: Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small
net bag making sure that all arms stay inside.
Feeding Test: Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water.
Suspend from the ceiling with a stout cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to
insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal (such as Fruit Loops or Cheerios) into
the mouth of the jug, while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the
contents of the jug on the floor.
Night Test: Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8 - 12
pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 8:00 PM begin to waltz
and hum with the bag until 9:00 PM. Lay down your bag and set your
alarm for 10:00 PM. Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you
have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing these too until
4:00 AM. Set alarm for 5:00 AM. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this
up for 5 years. Look cheerful.
Physical Test (Women): Obtain a large beanbag chair and attach it to the
front of your clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove 10 of the
beans.
Physical Test (Men): Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the
counter. Ask the clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food
store. Go to the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly
deposited to the store. Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it
quietly for the last time.
Final Assignment: Find a couple who already has a small child. Lecture
them on how they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet
training, and child's table manners. Suggest many ways they can
improve. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to
run riot. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you will have all the
answers.
Are You Ready for Children?
Mess Test: Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Now rub your
hands in the wet flowerbed and rub on the walls. Cover the stains with
crayons. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all
summer.
Toy Test: Obtain a 55-gallon box of Lego's. (If Lego's are not available,
you may substitute roofing tacks or broken bottles.) Have a friend spread
them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom
or kitchen. Do not scream. (This could wake a child at night.)
Grocery Store Test: Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best)
and take them with you as you shop at the grocery store. Always keep
them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.
Dressing Test: Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small
net bag making sure that all arms stay inside.
Feeding Test: Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water.
Suspend from the ceiling with a stout cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to
insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal (such as Fruit Loops or Cheerios) into
the mouth of the jug, while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the
contents of the jug on the floor.
Night Test: Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8 - 12
pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 8:00 PM begin to waltz
and hum with the bag until 9:00 PM. Lay down your bag and set your
alarm for 10:00 PM. Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you
have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing these too until
4:00 AM. Set alarm for 5:00 AM. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this
up for 5 years. Look cheerful.
Physical Test (Women): Obtain a large beanbag chair and attach it to the
front of your clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove 10 of the
beans.
Physical Test (Men): Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the
counter. Ask the clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food
store. Go to the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly
deposited to the store. Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it
quietly for the last time.
Final Assignment: Find a couple who already has a small child. Lecture
them on how they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet
training, and child's table manners. Suggest many ways they can
improve. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to
run riot. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you will have all the
answers.